Should Healing Be A Choice Or A Non-Negotiable?

No! I won’t do it and you can’t make me!

These very direct and rebellious words can surface at the youngest of ages, too often earlier than any parent’s tender ears would like to be scathed by them. At this stage of motherhood, I’m convinced the progression of age is in direct proportion to how seriously I took these words of rebellion.

When my kids were toddlers these rebellious words did not have the same effect as when they were in middle school or high school. As long as I was taller than my sons my authoritative confidence didn’t waiver, and as dad consistently had my back, our boys quickly learned that their size didn’t allow them to get away with challenging mom’s authority. The last one they answered to was dad and he was on mom’s team. By the way, my husband should be granted Knighthood by the Queen for as many times as he’s saved this damsel in distress from the relentless insurgents!

So, what does a parent do when you don’t have a long history with your son and you throw adoption, a difficult past, processing issues and PTSD into the mix? And to add even more weight onto the scale, you are trying to get your son the help he needs to heal, but he refuses to cooperate.

“No! I won’t do it and you can’t make me!”

As adoptive parents we are constantly walking the tight rope of when, how, if, or should we handle a situation with our adopted son differently than we did with our birth sons due to his history and challenges. We constantly are faced with the question of whether this{rebellion}is his history or if it’s age appropriate.

The question I grapple with is…

Do we allow our son to have a choice in complying with therapy and doctors recommendations of medications or do we not give him a choice if we know this is what is best for his healing journey? 

I’ve conceded that rebellion is rebellion no matter what angle I look at it, whether it’s willful or not, just like sin is sin. In the case of our son, he can’t see why or logically process through his healing journey and his rebellion looks intentional, but here is where a child’s background does matter. His rebellion is really fear and fear grasps control and control means you can’t make me do anything I don’t want to.

So we must carefully handle his fear, we meet his needs, even if he doesn’t know what he needs, and we validate his feelings and voice. We reiterate the role that God has given us as his parents at this point in his life and our desire to always do what is best for his well being. Even if he doesn’t agree with us.

From the beginning of time when sin entered we became predisposed to rebel. Sometimes that rebellion comes in the form of physical and emotional limitations such as refusing help when you need it.

The consideration of God’s healing plan for us over our own desires sometimes requires us to do things we don’t necessarily want to do, but if we truly trust this omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent God, then we must place our fears in the gentle hands of the One who will never let go of us. We must stop fearing security.

As a parent desperately praying for the healing of a wounded child, I am continually challenged by how I can do better at being more like the hands that hold me as I try to hold my child. Just like my child, I too rebel as a human with fleshly desires and sin. Yet where in the sand is the line drawn when it comes to rebellion and the healing journey God has each of us on?